The ship

An e-mail from Pat sent May 29, 2008:

The ship that is our household has officially sunk. The captain of the house (me) has sounded the alarm and is getting to a lifeboat ASAP. Abbey is a complete mess about this homework. I have canceled her dentist appointment and have set her up with an army of shrinks instead. Middle school and puberty will not be a pretty picture. Maggie brushed by one of the kitchen cabinets and let out a scream like she had torn her arm off. She also announced that Conner will hit me soon. I was on the phone when she urgently needed to tell me this. Imagine that. Conner is walking around the house with my aluminum bat, and he has a serious look of trouble on his face. He just freaked when I threw away a quarter inch of pickle he had not finished. He is on the couch currently crying that it is not fair. So with all of this, I am jumping ship and leaving it to sink further with the kids in it. I am not a true captain, but I am good with it. I am saving myself.