Golf, chipmunks and ice cream

For your reading pleasure: another batch of e-mails from Pat.


Jan. 3, 2008
Conner is a little confused about the terms used in golf. He was in the yard with his driver, and he was hitting plastic golf balls. The neighbors really like that we switched to these. He was hitting them pretty well. Each time he hit, he was taking a PGA-style divot. We're not even going to get into the fact that the driver isn't supposed to dig into the ground.

After he finished removing the sod from the yard, he told me, "Look, Dad, I made little tunnels." I told him that those were divots, and he explained to me that these were tunnels. He even went so far as to tell me that I am wrong. He used those exact words: YOU ARE WRONG.

I really appreciate you passing on the gene that makes you right in your own mind even when you are completely wrong. I also love the gene that you passed to him that gives him the ability to make you wonder whether he's right and that all these years I've been wrong. When he gets older, some woman will fix that for him.

It also doesn't help that Abbey and Maggie took his side on this one. As payback to them, I am serving vegetables only for dinner.


Jan. 14, 2008
To date, I am still cooler than you. As we were driving home from the Brownies meeting -- where, by the way, I was the only male in attendance. That was truly the estrogen ocean. I swear that I think I got a dirty look from one of the mothers just for being a man in a group of women. The troop leader was trying to make all the moms feel good and repeated several times that the girls will be safe on the upcoming camping trip. My first reaction was that Maggie will be safer there. Everytime she enters this house she is in danger of an injury of somekind. This is a vacation from being in this nutso house.

Back to the orginial story. We were listening to Radio Disney and Alvin and Chipmucks were singing the "Witch Doctor" song, and I knew all the words. The girls were very impressed, or at least Maggie was. I think that I have entered the "My Dad is an embarrassment" stage with Abbey. I explained to them that the Chipmunks have been around a while. This did not help me at all. Now I'm an embarrassment and old. Conner was just dancing in his carseat like the Caddieshack gopher.

You are the leader of your team at work and the leader of this house. Your children and your husband look up to. But until you can sing all the verses of "The Witch Doctor," you are second fiddle when it comes to being cool in this house. By the way, it goes "Ooh ee ooh aa aa ting tang walla walla bing bang." Here is a link so that this will be in you head for the rest of the night.
http://tinyurl.com/n6pfsh


Feb. 28, 2008
I don't know this for a fact, but I would bet that the founder of Anheuser-Busch and Miller Brewing had at least one daughter.



March 18, 2008

Your hidden inventory of Klondike bars has been found. Not by me but by the boy.

He was completely unimpressed with the entrees that I presented for this afternoon's feeding. So he got a chair from the kitchen table and took it to the freezer. He moved several things, and when he found the Klondike bars, he yelled for me to come here. He pointed to them and told me, "See, we got some."

I told him that those were Mommy's and he then told me, "It's OK, she loves me." He doesn't seem to care that you will not love me if he eats them. He is fine with that.

How do I know this, you ask? He is in the living room with two of them as we speak. I asked him if we should share with the girls, and he said no. He then took the box and placed it back under the frozen pizzas. Hidden from the girls.

I can hear the chair going back to the freezer, so I had better go so I at least get one.